My dollars

Dear Undergraduate Institution;

I received your request for more of my dollars in the mail.  Rest assured, I will be sending you dollars at some point in my life.  This is not for the reasons that you think.  I will be sending you dollars because in your lovely brochure, you have pictures of my friends. Pomme is in a leaf, raptly paying attention.  Also, Johnny is in a leaf, playing his trumpet beautifully.  Even Provost who gave me a beer is pictured!

You are welcome.

~Me

P.S.~ Please note that my second middle initial is "F"

P.P.S.~ If you are really that desperate for dollars, perhaps you should not personally address all of these high-quality, multi-multi-multi-colored brochures.  Come to think of it, if you were that desperate for dollars, perhaps you should not be sending this to me, who has no dollars and all of my jobless peers.  Just saying.