I am fallen

Friends, I am dying. Inside. Figuratively, but it still holds true.

I have to live with my parents until I finish graduate school. Why? you might ask. Well, apparently grad school of choice is very concerned with the health and well being of their students. So much so that, even though I am an adult capable of making my own choices, and that I am an online student and that I am a graduate student, I still fall prey to their silly, stupid paranoia of the plague. All students, yes, read A-L-L. All students must not only have health insurance, but said health insurance must also meet ridonkulous criterion. If you do not have said health insurance with said crazy-high standards, you must enroll in the college's student health plan, which costs THE SAME of what I am paying ON SCHOLARSHIP for an entire term. I cannot help, as of late, but to constantly return to the conclusion that I should not have gone to Australia.

So what does this mean, dear readers? That even if I were to move out and opt into realjob's health insurance, it would not meet the crazy high standards. Argal, I must stay on my parents' insurance. My father is so repugnantly honest that he TOLD them that I was graduating. They were just going to leave it until January to redetermine dependent eligibility, but he HR that I was graduating this past May so that they might take me off of the company's dollar. Argal, dear readers, the only way that my darling will maintain my presence on his insurance is for me to truly be a dependent. Argal, I must either a) live at home until I graduate because superfungradschool actually CHECKS, or b) move out and take classes on-campus, not online. If only it were not to late to modify my enrollment status.

Fuck.

There is no hope for my life's future. I am going to be trapped here forever while everyone else has the adventures of which I have been dreaming. Damn my pride. Damn my conscience. Damn my devotion to those who have grown to need me. Damn my inability to do what is best for my own well-being if it means disappointing them. Damn my desolate existence.