Why, life? Why?!?!

Sooooooooooo much has happened since my last entry.

I must first stray from that point, however, to lament two things.

1) FauxRockBro is an internet hog. I can barely check my email because he's constantly streaming and downloading and God knows what else and I'm on the wireless, so I am basically on scraps.
2) TotallyshouldbemyBro is getting a divorce. We talked about it; he's a shoo-in for annulment, which takes the sting away a bit for him...weirdo...

Okay, enough of that. You should all be proud! On Sunday, I made crepes for my parents' anniversary, which really isn't until tomorrow, but I don't have time for that shit in the middle of the week. Seriously, they were a pain. I went through three pans that were not conducive to my crepe needs before I found a good one. Plus, they take forever. But it was worth it...they were delicious. And I even bought the spray kind of whipped cream. Yay!

Later that night, I went to grandma's to make lasagna with Knuckles (being my crazy uncle). He's been trying to be my friend for like, ever, and this was the best he could come up with. It was still loads of fun, though! We made lots of jokes about slutty oil (as opposed to extra virgin olive oil...which we were at the dregs of, so he was coaxing it out and I observed that slutty oil would be nice for situations such as these).

Then (yes, after the slutty oil comments) we discovered that there was a bottle of Patron in the freezer. Insert squeal of delight here. After three shots, grandma told me no more shots of tequila. Apparently, grandma is out of practice dealing with shenanigan-prone children. Teehee. Luckily, my grandpa is an alocholic, so there was plenty of grenadine and oj for my Tequila Sunrise. Grandma must have seen me rifling through the cabinets through the window (she was out on the porch at the time) and sent stoneruncle's girlfriend in to see what I was up to. We shall call her Champion, because she does not drink typically, but upon entering the house, had me make her a drink. Then she got drunker and drunker and sang very loudly along with "We are the Champions," the infamous rock ballad by the masters Queen. So loudly, in fact, that I heard her from the house and went out to the barn to investigate. Hilarious.

Then I asserted my dominance as the family's new alchy by getting five hours of sleep, making breakfast, and being the only one without a hangover. I am the Champion of the World.

In other news, Awkward!Toby has taken to telling me that I should not be friends with BestBossEVER! because he is married. In mocking this conclusion, which I quite promptly told BestBossEVER! as my latest Awkward!Toby story, BestBossEVER! and I concluded that I may not, therefore, be friends with Awkward!Toby either. In the work setting, I am only allowed to be socially amicable toward $port and Miss Michelle. Oh, and I can be sympathetic toward Suz., who's hubby is living in a different city. But they still love each other. Long, boring story, involving kids not wanting to switch schools and getting depressed away from home, etc, etc. Oh! and I'm allowed to glean information from current wives on how to be a future good wife, but not actually be friends. I guess this means no free hot chocolate for me this winter...

Oh! And Google created a browser. Their info on it is in comic book form.

So...when do I pledge my allegiance and unwavering loyalty to them? Is that now, or do they need one more tiny pawn for total world domination?